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My Interview with an Orc

This is an Interview I wrote with a famous Interviewer and an Orc. I get to play the Orc. :D

English Orc Interview

Introduction

Hello, this is                         , on                                           .

Tomorrow, at four ‘o’clock, we have a very special guest, yet it’s not a celebrity, nor an activist, not even a poor yet helping neighbour.

We are proud to present a greatly misunderstood creature, a mixture of monster and man, a bold and warlike personality,

For the first time ever, we invite you to join us to speak with the unspeakable, to converse with the unconversable, to talk with the untalkable—an Orc.

Script

Interviewer: Hello Olumba, I am so glad to have you on                        . First, I would like to introduce your species—Orcs—to the audience. First thing first is that you have probably heard of Orcs as Goblins. ‘Orc’ is simply a different word that hobbits used. Hobbits are Halflings, about three feet and a half tall. Orcs have always been the foot-soldiers of the enemy and in Middle-Earth, both Saruman and Sauron used them for their evil purposes. Originally they are said to be Elves who we were corrupted by Melkor before the beginning of the First Age. Is it true?

Olumba: Thank you so much,                            . This means a lot for me. Yes, it is. Melkor wanted to create and rule others; he was an ambitious and power-hungry antagonist.

Interviewer: (nods) Yes. Would you mind if I asked you a couple of questions?

Olumba: No! Not at all, that is what I’m here for, yes?

Interviewer: (agrees) Quite. The first question that I would like to ask is about your lifestyle. What do you eat, what’s your style?

Olumba: (pause) We’re not particularly picky. As long as it’s not elven cuisine, or... vegetarian, I think we’re fine. However, we rather do enjoy eating flesh. (licks lips) Mmm... I love human flesh, my mother makes it taste delicious. She finds these herbs, and she adds a bit of toad to it... She usually serves it when I’m down. As for style, what I’m wearing today is really what’s in fashion. These black robes are uber fashionable. These rags and fur--- great! It took me a lot of time for me to save up to buy it.

Interviewer: Uhh, I’m sure you worked very hard and that you deserve it. (checks watch, and looks crestfallen). The black really matches you.

Olumba: (giggle) Thanks! (looks down)

Interviewer: No problem! Okay, next question: Are orcs misunderstood?

Olumba: Now I’m glad that you asked me that one! This is my chance to get facts straight.

We are NOT evil.

Interviewer: (uncomfortable) Glad to hear that.

Olumba: Now, all, you must be thinking, why did we side with Sauron and Saruman? Well, they needed a big army of blood-thirsty and war-worshipping creatures.  They took a glance at what was open, and they knew that Orcs were perfect.

We didn’t WANT to join. They just scared us into linking arms with them. They even bread orcs for them to use! Can you believe it?

Interviewer: I’m sure it was very hard on you and your people.

Olumba: (nods) Yes, rather. So nice to have someone understand us!

Interviewer: J I’ve heard that Orcs have their own weaponry, can you describe it for us?

Olumba: Yes! My father is an orc blacksmith, and he hopes that I will learn from him.  You see, I our blades are much more dangerous than normal blades, for they have poison in it as well.  They are straight the whole way, however, at the top the weapon has a part sticking up to increase the swing of the weapon. Also, if the sword was held backwards, it would still increase pain and likeliness of the enemy's death. We are very crafty with our hands, we can make anything, and believe you me, and I am NOT exaggerating!

Interviewer: Wow! I’m sure you’re not. Anyway, I was wondering, could you perhaps teach us a bit of Orcish? That is the word, isn’t it?

Olumba: Well, Orcs don’t really have a language. We’ve more or less stolen words from the Black Speech. Black Speech is a language spoken in Mordor, by the way. I can say simple things that come in handy. “Thrak agh krimp.” That means “Drag and tie him.” I used that last night when I saw dwarf trespass. *looks proud*

Interviewer: Uh... isn’t that splendid. What did you do with him?

Olumba: Oh, we ate him for dinner.

Interviewer: I was wondering, if you could change your life, what would you change?

Olumba: I’ve always wanted to be a Hobbit, with their little short legs, and furry feet. They’re so different and funny!  They live in holes under the ground, but not wet muddy things, not dry ones made out of sand. They’re very comfortable, so I’ve heard. At any rate, they eat basically everything which is simple, such as bread and meat. I’ll tell you all a secret too—

Interviewer: (leans in closer)

Olumba: I love mushrooms! just like hobbits!

Interviewer: Wow!  I’m not sure this is what anyone expected.

Olumba: Probably not. *gruffly* Zuzar ugh Nar Thos.

(Someone brings a peice of paper that says “ ‘I’m a scoundrel and a no sack” (Insult)’ on it and walks in front of Olumba and Interviewer)

Olumba: One more question, please.

Olumba: Sure! Go ahead! I’m not very busy today.

Interviewer: (forced smile) What was your most difficult time with plastic wrap?

Olumba: *laughs* A couple of days ago, I was making myself a delicious sandwich, for I was about to go and chop some wood for dinner. It was so flavourful, I remember, with human flesh, some sneaked mushrooms, even some toad! So, I grabbed the nearby plastic wrap. A couple of minutes later, I was completely wrapped inside it, nearly unable to move. It was so terrifying! I felt as if I had to stay there forever, in till some accursed Lul Gijak-Ishi (a direct translation would be ‘Flowers in Blood’, that’s a rude word for an Elf, or pussy) would come and kill me in a swift motion of their sword.

However, I managed to get short dagger and I plunged it into the wrap. I could feel it screaming and trying to escape my wrath. I ripped it up and took a small piece of the wrap, wrapping my delicious-o-so sandwich-o and shoving it in my backpack.

Interviewer: *laughs* Well! Wasn’t that an adventure!

Olumba: Quite.

Interviewer: I’m dreadfully sorry, but I’m afraid that we’ve run out of time. Thank you so much, Olumba.

Olumba: No, thank you.  This meant so much to me!

Interviewer: Glad to hear it. We’ll be right back with Lúthien Telrúnya an Elf-Princess, after this short break.

Olumba: Elf?! I’m out of here! Anyway, I am hungry, I need to hunt some human flesh.

Interviewer: SECURITY!

I'm Sorry

I was already lined up for science, waiting for my teacher to come.

                I was early—I had stayed in to help one of my friends with Geography.

                One of my other friends walks up beside me. “Hi Max,” I great him, my tone obvious that I was bored.

                “Hey,” he responds. “You missed all the drama at Lunch.”

                I couldn’t care less. Drama, gossip, rumours? I only prompted him about what had happened because I needed to stay in date. People already stared at me as if I was the first hobbit that had entered the land of Gondor.

                “Jane got slapped by Duncan.” His voice was casual enough, as if it was normal.

                Quick pause for a moment.

                Jane is one of my closest friends, an innocent girl with a pure and good heart. You’d think people would be nice to her.

                Wrong.

                She’s bullied, and I watch out for her, protecting me. So I guess it wasn’t that big of a shock.

                Except for that Lunch recess, I was helping Shona.

                I drop my stuff with a large bang and I run off towards her locker, running over about three students and a teacher.

                I can see her sobbing in her locker beside Duncan who’s in his own locker, sobbing as well.

                “Jane!” I cry. At my voice, she looks up, her eyes bloodshot red.

                I console her, telling her that everything will be fine.

                I turn to Duncan and I could swear that I saw him flinch slightly.

                “Come on guys. Pull yourselves together and let’s go to science. We’ve got science and homeroom.” I tried to put on my most consoling and kind voice.

                A couple of minutes later, as Jane sits in her chair, she starts sobbing. I run urgently towards her, telling her that everything will be fine.

For the moment, I thought that it would be useful for a box of tissues. I glare at Natalia (she sits beside Jane) and Michael (he sits in front of her) and they start comforting her as I run off to get them.

                We ran out, so I break away to get one from the IT room. Unfortunately, they were suffering with lack of tissues, so I scrambled to the office.

                Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Duncan and my Math teacher talking, Duncan sniffling.

                I continue on my way, grab the last tissue box and run down, avoiding his gaze.

                I offer her the box and she gratefully takes it.

               

I’m sorry, Jane, that I wasn't there to help you.

I will next time.

                And that’s a promise.